I don't know what to do for my sister

Sunnysouth · New User Joined: 19 May 2009 Posts: 3

My sister has had massive amounts of fluid in her abdomen which she has had drained every 3 or 4 months and/or when she can't stand the pain any longer. This has been going on for about 4 years. She has refused traditional medical intervention, and has relied soley on natural herbs and spiritual healing methods.

Last week she fell in her home because of the massive amount of fluid and called me to come take her to the hospital. They admitted her right away and drained some of the fluid and then did a CT scan which showed a large mass (size of an orange) on her right ovary, and several other masses in her abdomen. They referred her to an Oncologist surgeon, but she has refused to go. The doctors at the hospital suspect it may be cancer, however they aren't sure of it.

Because of the amounts of fluid that has been drained on at least 4 different occasions, and because she has refused to see a specialist, the hospital has now said that they will not drain the fluid anymore. They want her to get medical help ASAP, and I agree. The amount of fluid that has been drained off each time is around 32 to 44 liters depending on how long she waits to have it done, and everyone is amazed that she is still alive after having that much fluid. She is skeletal in appearance, I can see every bone in her face and neck, her arms are like toothpicks. Her feet and legs are swollen and are leaking clear fluid. She is unable to eat very much food, and normally vomits up what she does eat.

The doctors have told me that her condition is very serious, and that even if the masses are not cancer that the fluid buildup along with the masses will kill her anyway. This all seems to go in one ear and out the other with my sister. How can I get her to agree to see a surgeon? I am willing to try anything. I am afraid that she doesn't have much time left for me to convince her to get help.

Any advice is greatly appreciated.
Thanks,
Sunnysouth

pbj11 · Site Admin Joined: 12 May 2007 Posts: 2402

Hi Sunnysouth,

I'm so sorry to hear your sister has been resistant to seeing doctors. They can't keep doing the draining and end up being held medically liable for her condition without further investigation.

Unless she's a minor, there is nothing someone can do to make her follow through with their recommendations, short of being appointed her legal guardian. That's probably not even possible if she's in her right mind. Doesn't make any more sense to me than it does to you, but it's her life. I'm not meaning to sound harsh, but you can't physically make her go see the surgeon.

What has she said to you about why she is so resistant? Clearly whatever she is doing naturally IS NOT working.

As far as ovarian cancer -- if this were that cancer, she'd have been gone by now as it is an aggressive and fast moving cancer, from my experience with my Mom. I just can't imagine someone surviving this many years with that cancer, but I guess anything is possible. To have the fluid build-up to the point of her skin weeping is horrible. I've seen this with my Dad and it's not pretty or comfortable.

I wish you all the luck in the world getting her to see the light of day on this condition. Whatever it is, it's not normal. I'm so sorry.

Hugs,
PBJ
_________________
Husband diagnosed with NSCLC Stage IV. (Non-Small Cell Lung Cancer) Fought & lived 2 1/2 years with multiple lines of treatment.

Post describing our battle: http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.php?t=7026&postdays=0&postorder=asc&start=0

Sunnysouth · New User Joined: 19 May 2009 Posts: 3

Hi PBJ,

Thanks for replying to my post.

I should have given a bit more information. My sister is 53 years old, and was just diagnoised with Paranoid Schizophrenia while she was in the hospital last week. I did get an "Emergency Medical Guardianship" this past Monday.

Our mother died from ovarian cancer in 2002, and her doctor suspected that she had this for about 4 years. Mother also did not seek treatment until it was to late. Her cancer had spread to her breasts as well as other organs before I was able to get her to a doctor. I was living in California at the time and had no idea how seriously sick she was until I came home. Crying or Very sad

So, I guess it's possible that ovarian cancer can be slow as well as quick spreading.

Now my problem has been compounded because my sister has taken off with most of her belongings, and I have no idea where she is. I'm told by the Probate Court that the guardianship papers will allow me to get her medical treatment, but that I can't force her to be examined, or have surgery to remove the tumors. Doctors are not required to force a patient to do anything the patient refuses to do even though there is a guardian. I'm not so sure that I would even go as far as to force her, even if it were possible, and even though she has a mental illness.

Today I am considering reporting her as a missing person, and only because I know that the fluid will build up very quickly and she will be in horrible pain again. She likes to travel around to different areas of the country and camp out. I just don't want her to be in trouble in a remote area and not be able to get help.

This is a very difficult problem, and I joined this site mostly just to unload my worries. I know no one here can give me an absolute answer to my problems and worries. I do thank you again for replying, it's good to know that someone is out there, and took the time to give me advice.

Thank you very much,
Sunnysouth

pbj11 · Site Admin Joined: 12 May 2007 Posts: 2402

(((Sunnysouth))),

That IS why we are here --- most of us need a venue to vent our fears and worries about our loved ones in a safe place. I'm very glad you've found us to do just that.

I guess I wasn't too far off the mark with the legal guardian stuff. You poor dear -- this must be tearing you up to have her disappear like this. I've been through that number with one of my kids and it isn't fun living on the edge worrying about their well being when they aren't quite all there mentally. I'm sure, with her background and medical issues, the police will take a missing person's report far more seriously than just an average person disappearing. Call them and see what the rules/regs are for filing one.

I'm sorry you also lost your Mom to this insidious silent cancer. I'm surprised to hear that she lasted so long -- especially without treatment. My Mom has been gone almost 25 years, so we didn't have all the information about various cancers the way the internet allows us to learn these days. I have no idea what type of ovarian she had. She went through multiple surgeries and a few lines of chemo and made it 2 1/2 years -- but back then it was a long time considering how widespread it was on diagnosis. I DO hope you are taking whatever measures you need to protect yourself from this cancer too. At one point I was told that I'm at 3X the risk for it because of my Mom. I had all my "parts" removed fairly young because of this risk. Now I worry about my daughter, but she hasn't had her babies yet and refuses to do the marker test.

I see your fear of her getting in over her head with pain and not being able to seek help. I'm so sorry -- wish there was something I could say or do to make this better for you.

We are here to listen though and have some pretty big shoulders to lean on. Please don't feel alone and continue to post to keep your own sanity during this very stressful time.

I will pray that the police will get involved and that she is found quickly. Keep us posted.

Many hugs and God bless,
PBJ
_________________
Husband diagnosed with NSCLC Stage IV. (Non-Small Cell Lung Cancer) Fought & lived 2 1/2 years with multiple lines of treatment.

Post describing our battle: http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.php?t=7026&postdays=0&postorder=asc&start=0

Sunnysouth · New User Joined: 19 May 2009 Posts: 3

Just wanted to say that my sis passed away 06/01/09. She decided to take her own life. I guess she was just in to much pain.

Thank you PBJ for reading my posts. You are a thoughtful and caring responder. I know everyone here appreciates your time.

Sunnysouth

pbj11 · Site Admin Joined: 12 May 2007 Posts: 2402

((((SunnySouth)))))

Oh dear -- this sure isn't the news I was hoping to see from you. God bless her little heart, as she is at peace now. I'm sorry you are left to grieve the pain of her loss and struggle during her final time.

Sending my sincere condolences, prayers for peace, and asking that God hold you tightly during the upcoming days, weeks, and months.

Feel free to keep posting if you need to talk.

Many hugs,

PBJ
_________________
Husband diagnosed with NSCLC Stage IV. (Non-Small Cell Lung Cancer) Fought & lived 2 1/2 years with multiple lines of treatment.

Post describing our battle: http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.php?t=7026&postdays=0&postorder=asc&start=0

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